


Lay Me Down Tonight In My Diamonds And Pearls

by Narryfavoritejiall



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bottom Luke, Calum is obsessed, Calum is reserved, Feminine Luke, Help, M/M, Oh whale, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Sex, i don't have a plot for this, luke is a little shit, nobody notice my stories but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:10:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4266189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narryfavoritejiall/pseuds/Narryfavoritejiall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am an angel looking to get fucked hard"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So! This came up, sorry. It's short because I just wanna know if you want me to continue.
> 
> Hope you like it:))

I couldn't see, it was like the grey clouds in the sky of November were invading my eyes; my body stilled for a second, my hand clenched in my black portfolio, a warm wave spread inside my stomach, my face sweated a little, maybe showing the nervousness I was feeling in that moments. I listened to the principal's voice trying to warm the students about his new teacher. I observed and I was scared, I keep smiling just a little bit, showing authority and adulthood, even though they could notice I was dying and not breathing, the hot breeze of September was blowing just around me making me hot and red, I was wishing that I would disappear, leaving no trace behind, enjoying my friend's pool, but I was here, making the students wonder about me. Then, I saw him. 

 

He stared right back at me, I didn't look away, he didn't look away; crystal blue eyes shined under the lights of the small classroom, illuminating me, I observed his blond hair falling on his forehead and being lighted up by the sun entering the windows; my eyes traveled as if they were in Paris, watching pale, small hands fighting with an old pencil, he looked small and fragile, it made me want to put my jacket over his lift up shoulders that screamed confidence; I observed and observed, still hearing the principal's repeated words. My mind didn't know that an overly tight shirt covering skin attached to bones could make my day. He stood out beside everyone else, making them small, he was the moon and everyone else were little, unspotted stars for me. 

 

I craved, I breathed and in that moment that a teared my eyes away from the person that captivated my lack of attention, I knew, I was utterly fucked.

 

The principal gave me the words, I talked and explained, telling lies and smiling, I was trying to warm them up. The principal left, I forgot my portfolio in the desk, I moved my hands rapidly, explaining my favorite subject, I was asking names, looking at their faces for 2 seconds, but when blond hair and pale skin painted themselves in my gaze, I wanted to stutter and sweat, letting my imagination run like a crazy river. My wide brown eyes seem to passed unnoticed by the students and I found myself asking the same question. "Can you tell me your name?" I composed myself, I clapped my hands, deleting any stupidity left in my numb system. 

 

My face twitched and my arms clenched when the boy that fucked my day smiled at me, showing his perfect straight teeth, his blue eyes wondered around the room, as if he was searching for the answer of the simple and knowing question I asked. The innocence he showed in his expression made my self want to discover every single part of him. How could I lived with myself thinking such a things about a kid?, I keep asking that rhetoric question to myself. Then, I heard, I lived and I died a little when my ears catched his voice. "My name is Luke, Mr." In that moment, I felt the luckiest guy, I nodded, wishing I could roll my tongue and pronounce his name millions of times, pronounce his name in a small whisper as he is on his knees, in front of me with hungry and desire in his blue eyes.

 

The boy mesmerized me, the boy gave me an uneasy feeling and the boy warned me that, oh, I was so lost in my short time stepping a foot in that place.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lost time, fucking my eyes and holding my hand to resist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hey<3

My eyes stayed and my body stilled, feeling and existing. The papers on my hand were turn, careless works by my new students. I keep ignoring my stomach roaring protests, my hand keep writing and checking. The eyes I felt on my head were making me sweat and my hand shake, the small and quite mumbles of the teenagers were in the back of my mind as I was trying to not write senseless words. I breathed, I sighed looking up, growing tired, preparing myself to tell the person to go back to work, but, I stopped and I stared, feeling myself stiff and admired. He was there, blue eyes hiding behind a grey cloud caught my own eyes, his hair looking soft, making want to pull and caress with delicate fingertips, to making him moan and beg. 

 

I tried to look away, to forget his gaze and his face, I swear I try, but then, it happened. Gripping my pen and containing a cough, I saw and tensed. I was no longer looking at his clean face, wondering how a teenage boy, almost a child could be so vivid. His legs looked like they were inviting me in, tenderly but at the same time vil, his gaze searching my gaze, but I didn't tear my eyes away from his legs opening little by little, soft and almost unnoticed, his small hand caressing his own leg, pleasuring and making himself close his eyes. I controlled myself, not moving and just forcing myself to look away.

 

I begun to explain, breathing through the numb words my mouth was forming and ignoring the boy that made my mind blank. I looked at everyone, trying to find comfort and quality, but nothing change because the blonde could still be my priority and reason to come to this place. Disgusted with myself, I ended the class when the bell rang, the loud noises of people running and doors closing were resembling my classroom. I hide my teeth behind a closed smile, waving at the teenagers and wishing good luck. The papers on my desk presented to me again, with the illusion that I was alone, I leaned back, rubbing my face with rough hands, the cold air hitting me, relaxed me, trying to forget. 

 

My heart skipped and my stomach hurt, when I heard an unfamiliar voice, jumping and ripping the hands out of my face, I looked up. I died, holding my breath and arms, feeling like the sun of the windows went away, leaving the room dark with shadows. He was standing in front of me, looking slim and looking proud. "Sorry, I didn't catch up what you said, Luke" 

 

"I liked your class today, was better than our old teacher" 

 

"I barely explain some words, but thank you, Luke. I appreciate it" I said, moving the papers on my desk, afraid and uncomfortable, restraining myself, wondering if he knows what he did moments ago, if he knows that he's taking me to other side.

 

He nodded, leaning on my desk, eyes catching the papers and my hands, catching my arms, my chest, my face. My self enjoyed but my chest hurt, guilt in the back of my head when I think about the boy in front of me, with white shirt and school shorts, breaking the formal rules, breaking my formal mind. He wasn't leaving and my heart was racing. I admired, my eyes traveling his body, his face, wishing prohibitively that my eyes were my hands instead. He was closer than yesterday, I looked up at his freckles on his pale skin, his arched soft, brown eyebrows, making me weak by such a delicate face. His arms covered in small golden hairs, his long legs that were eliciting me, cutting me and craving me. 

 

I lost time, fucking my eyes and holding my hand to resist, I could feel his eyes, ripping me, catching me. Wonder, wonder, wonder, a fucking word I been thinking a lot. I wonder why am I falling so fast?, why am I fucking this up for a kid that his hair is laying imperfectly on his forehead?, why can't I be a normal adult that his mind is not stuck in a teenage boy that seem immature, but fuck, so captivating?. I'm attracted, like a fish wishing a worm that swims in a hook below the water.

 

I wanted to pray if I believed in something when I nodded, watching the flagrant boy smiled, looking one last time and making his way out of the room, but no, he stopped his feet, I stopped my breath. Why can't I control myself?. He turned his head, staring once again, his small hand played with his shorts and his eyes sometimes went down to his oxford shoes, I wasn't prepared by the tiny gesture, the insignificant smile he gave me and the gleam in his eyes he showed. The breeze stopped and I closed my eyes when I was left alone. 

 

Hating myself, surprising myself, I thought. I thought how he looked in lunch time, playing with his friends and being looked at with desire and filthiness, he knew, god he knew I was staring, catching my eyes every minute and seconds, constantly and rapidly, he moved, making me want to rest down. How a seventeen years old boy could be so porcelaneous, brittle, even vulgar, but he hide it, making it seem pretty. 

 

I hate myself, feeling myself drown into him, thinking in him, in what could I do to him, how could I pin him in the boys bathroom, facing the wall and making him bleat, I could hear in my grubby head his pleads, never wanting me to stop, how he could run away and end up in my car with his peculiar legs open, inviting me in, like the image he left me this morning – I was thinking that, instead of checking bad essays. Wanting to forgive myself, I just contained myself, blaming the boy that turned my heart in guilt and the boy the turned my head impure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know:))


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We kissed and I felt again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello<3  
> Hope you like it:) 3:43 am right now, soooo yeah

Hard and deep, he moaned. I dreamed. 

 

His face was attached to my head last night, so vivid, but at the same time so cold. I tossed around and groaned, trying to burn my thoughts down, I didn't have control, my mind keep going without my knowledge. It felt real, his hands touching and begging, his eyes filled with lost, I accepted it, taking him, pleasuring him, ripping words and sounds out of his pretty and rare pink mouth. I felt it, I felt him, around me, I was inside him, loving in my dreams how he whispered words in a sultry voice. It was dark and I could only see his face. I woke up with shaking legs and a rapid breath, guilt spilling in my sweat, trying to deny my crave for the delicate boy that, god, I only know that I'm so lost in a endless road. 

 

He knew, he perfectly knew that he was making me pulled at my hair to erase any unwanted thoughts, he knew that I watch him every time, every move, in the hallways and in my class. I am his bait, to soon be eaten. Only one week, trying to smile at the bitter people, trying to use the old coffee machine, trying to not look at the young boy that is going to be my damnation in this putrid place; one week that I been strained by his harmful actions. 

 

He's been testing me, in class and outside, having to look away and go to wash my face in the grey bathroom because I can't stand seeing him bite a pencil with his teeth, not having the fucking modesty to take notes, coming after class, letting me know that he didn't understand a single thing, begging for my words, He would get so close to my side, getting us hot, I ignored his face pretending to be interested and I pretended that I didn't notice his hand rubbing my thigh softly, up and down in a tender manner, setting me on, but, oh, I knew that I couldn't bring myself to say something to him. I was only left with the image of him running freely with a big smile on his face, in school shorts that I keep wondering how his mum let him wear them so close to his skin.

 

Then, it happened. 

 

The bright lights in the hallways were hurting my eyes and I still could see words in my vision, I surrender, entering the bathroom, expecting it to be soundless and still, but, I was utterly wrong, I stared, not moving away, Luke was there, sitting without penalty in the large, grey sink, leaning in the mirror, looking bored and looking harmed, his legs swinging slowly, side to side, up and down, I tasted bitter and my throat closed up. 

 

"Oh, hi, professor" He looked up from his nails. 

 

"Greetings again, Luke" I coughed, looking away, my feet moved unconsciously to a sink far away from the boy "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

 

"Aren't you?" I heard him giggle while I washed my hands senseless, trying to ignore.

 

"I'm free, but I certainly know that you have a class going on" I stopped and I stared at him, wishing to look away, but my eyes stayed on his face shining under the dimmed light. 

 

"I hate that class, is so boring and the boy next to me scares me" He jumps off the sink, not looking away from me, the cold embraced me and I couldn't move. He gave small steps towards me, smiling and gripping his sweater. I freeze. "Are you gonna report me, sir?" 

 

I shook my head no, that thought never passed over me, I only looked down at him, warning him with my eyes, being soft, never wanting to hurt the boy that resembled a flor lying in the green grass, standing out. "I'm only asking you to got back to your corresponding class, Luke"

 

"I don't want to, sir" He said, whispering the last word, throwing peals of thunder at me. I wasn't showing my adulthood and maturity, but I fucked up and ignored the world, I gave a step, getting closer to his face, admiring and loving more, watching the small imperfections and perfections he had, I breath and he stilled for a second. I forgot where I was, I forgot with who I was. He got closer and our lips barely touched, but that was it to loose my mind, I pressed my lips softly, my eyes wanting to open in awe at his small, inexperienced movements, making me smile a little, making feel supreme and in charge, like I have always been. I felt his hand on my back and chest, playing with the small buttons, my hands shook as I touched him, feeling what my dreams had being craving. I felt his waist, gripping the skin and bones, my heart beating fast when I pinned him to the filthy wall, our tongues danced and I didn't care when all I could hear was his little noises. 

 

I didn't expect it, it was to fast and maybe to loose, but for the first time in days, I stopped taking matter and caring, I let myself wrap around it.

 

Then, I realize in my cruel mind, the wrong and the lust, I realize the difference and the opposite, my guilt made it clear. Luke is a child, I was seeing him like that, his tender skin and soft blonde hair could be the dream of everyone, he is small and lithe with a few pimples adorning his natural face, he spread youthful, he's a teenager searching for things; I had already found things, I'm a grown up man, beside him I look rough and I look big, I have lived things and I have proved things, he's learning and trying and I'm about to be stuck behind it because there's no turning back. I'm only left with my unhealthy mind, hoping that I get eaten by black worms.

 

We kissed and I felt again, the remorse was present, but I did not care when I had this boy in front of me, crumbling slowly, but standing up again, he pulled away when the bell rang and I cursed whoever that touched that noisy thing. "I have a class" I whispered, clenching my eyes, inhaling his strawberry scent. He nodded gripping the back of my shirt, a smile appeared on his face and he licked quickly my parted lips, sending shivers. I stepped back watching him bend over quickly, catching his backpack from the ground, he ran and smiled. I leaned on the wall, tasting my own lips, I smiled when I felt the glossy substance on my lips, I lick it off and the only thought on my mind was the harm I just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment? This chapter is bullshit, sorry:))


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke, baby, please shave your facial hair.

My regrets were present, but I felt good and full, my stomach ache everyday, every minute when my eyes stare at his scandalous personality and scandalous body. The consequences are in the back of my mind when days ago were my priority, my thoughts and desire for him made my system feel numb, his image is in my cruel mind, I'm losing, I'm losing myself, I'm losing my moral. His delicate lips haunt every dream of mine, making wake up with wide eyes and want to hide a smile. He doesn't forget, making me in class stutter and take deep, scary breaths. He smile, I die, his eyes wrecking me over and over, making me remember that day of, incoherent thoughts that we connected our lips, hating myself, but, oh, I want that moment to start again.

 

I could hear the indiscrete whispers in the halls of Luke's nosy friends, pointing and giggling at me, elbowing him and smiling, I ignored, holding my pride, but in my head I was only inventing a way to kill my fucking self, it's eating me alive, it's killing me, but he was dragging me over, making me crawl towards him, wanting to give him everything, wanting to wreck him, mark him, I want to bend him over and make him beg, wishing for the filthy and the worse, to make him stand in front of my eyes, to admire him like a rack doll in a fucking dress, looking back at me with oblivious eyes. I accepted and I stopped myself to forget, I accepted my sick and unacceptable mind, that would look weird standing in the society rules, but I can't stand anymore, I can't keep watching his desperate calls, I sent myself to a hole with no lights. 

 

I was making my way outside, waving at teachers, wanting to flick my finger in their faces. I sighed, when my body met the cool air and the slight sun, then I stared, I stared at the boy that was fucking my sad days. 

 

"What are you doing here, Luke?. You ended my class an hour ago" I stopped on my tracks and started getting closer the boy hugging himself. 

 

"My brother is an asshole who said that he was picking me up, but guess his girlfriend is more important" 

 

I looked at him nodding and holding tightly my portfolio, ignoring his poor vocabulary, wondering why his eyes weren't on me, I watched his hands fighting his sweater and eyes on his lap, I sighed "Well, sorry, I'm sure he is going to come soon. See you tomorrow, Luke." I waved, giving him a tight smile, starting to walk and keeping his legs on my mind. 

 

"Wait, professor" I closed my eyes, cursing everything else and I allowed myself to turn around "Could you give me a ride home?, it's not far from here, just a few blocks, my friend told me you have a car." 

 

"I can give you money for a bus or a taxi, whatever pleases you, Luke" My brain processed his question, the tingles in my gut were present and, shit, I regret looking at his face showing vulnerability, but I knew it was just an act, either way I didn't resist myself. 

 

"They freak me out, professor. Please, sir, I won't talk in your class anymore" 

 

"I highly doubt that, Luke" I smiled and sighed, looking down and making up my mind "Let's just make sure nobody see you. Come on, my car is over there" 

 

I have in mind how I fucked up but I forgot when he smiled and stood up, looking me up and down, I let go of restrains. Then, I saw blank when I was in my car, driving him to his house, hearing his soft voice telling me where it was and asking me questions, he touched every corner of my car, caressing them with a smile, telling me the pretty car I had. My breath stopped, I counted from one to ten, feeling his eyes on the side on my face, feeling his hand moved slowly, touching the stereo, the steering wheel, my hand, my leg, touching with soft fingertips, caressing up and down, like he was doing it to the leather of the car, my heart skipped for two seconds, deciding and doubting, I keep hearing the small sound of the stereo playing, I couldn't move and I didn't want to move. 

 

"Stop, is here" He said snapping me off and my feet pressed hard the pedal.

 

"See you tomorrow, Luke. Have a nice evening" I caught his eyes shining with certainty, my throat gulped and his hand moved away slowly, leaving me with goosebumps behind, leaving me with desire for more. 

 

"It's forgotten" He said crossing his arms "What happened in the bathroom it's forgotten" 

 

My fist clenched, I sighed and closed my eyes, looking and searching for congruent words, I coughed "I'm an adult. Please let me convince myself of that fact, Luke. You're making it hard for me, you're making me lose my reason, my validity. I can't do that to you, it's wrong, I'm wrong. I haven't forgotten. You're calling and I'm falling" 

 

He nodded looking away and I admired, god damn me, because, I admired his sad face looking outside, being hit by the sun rays and it made me regret my words, not wanting that expression on his soft face "People are blind, nobody is gonna see." My mouth opened, and I let him move, his eyes found mine, making me stay calm and stay silent, he gripped my hand and moved it like small waves in the seashore, his lips parted when he positioned my hand in between his legs, pressing and encouraging. I wanted to cringe and scream, was this really happening?. I wanted to wake up at his face every morning, people only can see him smile and I can see him fall apart. "There, I like it there"

 

My perspectives where blown away and I'm going to hell. 

 

My hand clenched on him, making him smile and arch his back, I made him close his blue eyes. He moved his hips softly, following my hand and breathing hard. I didn't care if people were in the street, my hand stopped and I lean back in my seat, watching with amaze his arm unbuckling the seat belt and his body moving quickly and desperate, crawling in me, taking my breath away, looking at him in my lap "Sir, I want you to touch me" I shut my eyes, feeling his hot words hit my throat and I groaned feeling his small hand clenched my crotch. Breathing hard, I squeezed his waist, feeling the soft skin and sharp bones. He sighed, in relief, rubbing my crotch, feeling and testing. His other hand unbuttoned his shorts and his lips touched mine, the tension went away, so did my sorrow. 

 

"Please. Make feel good" 

 

I pulled away and looked down at his hand inside his shorts, my mouth craved and my fingers twitched, slowly and tenderly I replaced his hand, his underwear was soft and warm, I felt him hard and sweet, he moaned the name of my profession and, god, I thought that I was going to burst. I rubbed him hard to match his hips bumping my stomach, I smiled, kissing him again to swallow his words and pleads. This was real "Down, down, touch me a little bit more down." I almost gaped, biting his lip to silence him, my hips moved up and my hand moved more, I let go of him and start to touch him more inside, I felt his balls, greeting the lack of hair, my hand explored like in search for worms. I lived, I gasped and kissed his chin, I felt his his entrance, small and pulsing and, shit, I thought, Luke is fucking crazy. 

 

My fingers went in, feeling him tense and relax, but I could live with it. He whispered and moaned, moving his hips up and down, I searched for his pleasure and not for mine. I wonder when I moved my fingers in and out, who had touched Luke like this?. I worried, but soon after I forgot and kissed him again, wanting to make him mine. I wanted him to touch me while I look at his expression filled with lost and no shame. My fingers stayed still and his face was going to invade my night dreams. 

 

"Oh" His mouth was open and he came in his underwear, clenching my fingers. I watched and watched, he didn't seem to mind, I ignored myself when he smiled and kissed me again.

 

I watched him go with pride in his shoulders, my heart ache, I let myself enjoy and I didn't give a fuck. He's on my mind and it makes me feel like it's alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Smut poorly written, sorry<3


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna ignore and reject tears when he gets bored.

 

It's not okay, I wasn't here, I wasn't present, my eyes keep closing, my hand keep moving and my unworthy self keep crumbling. All was like a filthy dream, sometimes a nightmare. I couldn't believe, but I enjoyed. His words and small whispers keep haunting me when I touch my car, I found hard to believe his movements and reactions. We were irresponsible, he was immature, insisting and persuading me. I'm not strong enough, I'm weak and tender with his feelings, not caring about mine. He fucked his way up to the top, laughing, whispering and pointing at me, he can see, I'm blind, only seeing dark.

 

Murmurs invaded my ears, I watched the teacher talk quietly in the loud cafeteria, my fingers clenched the book I was holding. I keep feeling, I keep wanting, paranoia keep on appearing, feeling his electric eyes even though they weren't here. The guilt was almost over, I don't regret touching and feeling his soft skin, remembering in my head every night the small golden hair that almost pass unnoticed, I don't regret making his mouth emit noises that students can't hear in classes. He says words in my ear that I didn't thought a young boy knew, I'm wrong. His delicate self made wonder if he knows who he is. He thinks I don't notice his shy smile and small gestures to boys, making the girls seem small and insignificant beside him, he thinks that my heart doesn't flutter when I watch him get his lips shinny and pink, he's oblivious that in the foggy day in my car I noticed black girls underwear under his school shorts, I ignored and keep giving pleasure. He's clueless, he's just having fun, but I'm aching, almost falling in love.

 

I'm alone in this place, hating everyone and they may hate back, my only reassurance was him. This moment was perfect, but in the back of my head I'm hoping and waiting for it to crumble down.

 

-

 

"I'm expecting the pages already read for tomorrow." The bell rang and I already knew the last boy who always take too long in getting ready.

 

I sighed, sitting down and this time keeping my eyes on Luke. "You have classes to attend. Stop messing around"

 

"Like you do to me?" I swallowed thick saliva when I heard his rough words and hard expression, his small hands clenching tightly his shorts. I shook my head and stood in my feet, thinking and wondering what to do. The hallways were growing silent ever second that passed and my urge to talk was getting bigger, I prayed for someone that the principal is not making his way to the hallways and classroom. My head tries to imagine, to fantasize a vulnerable expression on Luke's face, but I could only see with pain a hateful expression. My self frightened and my mouth keep closed.

 

Luke started moving, rolling his eyes, dropping his backpack, and walking towards me in a fast step, my breath hitched, but not from a punch, I felt his arms around, suffocating me, grabbing with a desperate grip, I sensed and I knew he wanted attention, nothing else, I'm a fool, letting him in again. "You have a class"

 

"I don't care. I don't care." His small whisper send a shiver down my neck and my arms got weak, pulling him close, trapping him in. I wanted to go back to my bed, not worrying about job or money, laughing in the pool and not caring how I look at things. My stomach hurts and I want to throw up every time I think about him in a wrong or right way. He looked up, moving his hands, touching and feeling, starting to breath hard, I pulled away and my heart stopped.

 

"Can you take me home today?"

 

I nodded, not taking matter that he has his back to me, picking up his things, he knows the answer. I'm forgetting and loosing myself. My mind is going to be clouded with smoke and I'm sure my body is going to react and let go, I'm craving it and wishing it, not having a heart to dismiss the boy who is so sure and precise to be with me and have something of me, I'm aware of his feelings, I'm gonna ignore and reject tears when he gets bored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So shitty, sorry! My mind has no ideas. Help with that? Comment? Maybe next chapter they're having actual sex. X


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven is not waiting for me anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. Sorry it sucks:/

It felt like I was smoking a heavy cigarette, burning my lungs but feeling relieved, I want cold water to wake me up from my slumber, to yell at me and tell me that this is not real. I wasn't dreaming and I wasn't wishing, a delicate world was placed in front of me, getting in this situation that I hate so much, but when I see him, my mind erases, asking for help and surrender. My weak mind and unstoppable body made me feel like a teenager again, not having respect for the the minor and his parents, I'm sure they have no fucking clue what his child learned from someone or something, making people cut words and events to be with the boy that makes you fall by just smiling and sitting. It was a game, I'm aware, I'm his opponent, but I let myself won with open arms and desire in every part.

 

Heaven is not waiting for me anymore, I don't have the key, what I did to him when the sun was going down and the windows were sliding. I'm going to hell with a red man, and I'm kinda alright with that.

 

I was feeling relieved and angry when I ride him home, he was silent and straight, letting hopes down and a making me sad. He touched the leather of my car like I touched his chest and back -in a fucked up way- blonde hair was being reflected by clouds and rays, his lips looked like they tasted cherry and I wanted to prove myself right by trying. He looked at me every two minutes, questions and joy in his face, making me confused and hitting the pedal hard. Maybe is over, maybe is finally over, this pain, this weakness, surrender, regrets, doubts, filthy thoughts of a boy I twice his age, worries of getting caught, worries of being left and watch Luke being hugged and touched by other men. I felt my chest tight, but I said to myself is for the right, to have a key back. But, shit, got damn him, god praise me, because I was wrong, so, wrong. Oh, so stupid, I thought when mi mind let me imagine this was it, getting in my on way. He spoke.

 

"Thanks for the ride, sir." 

 

He sat there and didn't go away, freeing me and making me a normal man again, I nodded, not wanting to use my words, being afraid of calling back the boy that fucked with my sad days and vivid feels. His head turned, looking down, holding his backpack to his chest like if it was a teddy bear, damn me, he's a child, he may have a fucking teddy bear in his room that hugs him at night, to simmer him down; I touched a boy in incorrect ways that may have a teddy bear. I hear a small mumble. "Sorry?" I finally cracked my voice, trembling and wanting to scape.

 

"Walk me to my door" 

 

And, fuck, I threw myself away, fucking my chances and perhaps, my plans and goals, my happiness and pride. We walked together, listening to our owns breaths, wanting to hold his hand and tell him that, everything is okay, everything is going to be ok, but I was the only one that knew it was painfully untrue. My hands shook when we faced each other in front of his door, making a plan of what to explain if his parents are home. He stared at me, making me realize all over again why I picked him, his eyes were a lost sea without waves and reaching for help. His soft features and messy hair made me want him to never grow up, to stay like a boy with slim legs and soft skin on his face, I fell all over again.

 

"Have a nice evening, Luke." He didn't acknowledge my goodbye and I didn't leave. His eyes held mine, telling me nothing but danger and confidence.

 

He smiled. "I want to show you something, come" 

 

"Sorry, Luke. Maybe another day." I breathed out, letting go of tension and emotions, denying with effort his offer, my hands clenched trying to block images coming in my bad head.

 

"There's no one in my house. You want to" 

 

I stopped looking at him, loosing my strength and respect for everything, I wanted and begged to touch Luke again, to make noises come out of his mouth, to watch him fall apart, the only moment I get to see him in a vulnerable and harmless way, I nodded and pushed my degree away. My heart fluttered again and my eyes loved again when I saw him smile with white teeth. My fingertips shook, I entered his house, feeling like a teenager breaking through a window to see his love. It was silent and I wanted Luke closer, he held my hand, I sighed and he guided me with silent steps to where he wanted us to be. My eyesight is blurry, watching the steps and walls with a shaking breath. Forgetting the life rules I used to follow, they were no longer important when we entered a room.

 

"What did you want to show me?" 

 

I felt him on my lips, taking my air and soul away with him, his hands gripped my shirt and I closed the door with my back letting him lean on me, feeling him, enjoying him, not thinking in driving myself mad, I just let my hands roam over his body that called my mind every time. His breath hit my neck and face, sending shivers, creating desire and lust, feeling in fire and he's feeling cold. "Me." He pulled away, biting my lip, letting me know he was there, I felt cold, letting him held my hand and walked to his bed, god, I was hoping it was. It felt surreal when he pushed me, I felt the warm fabric of the mattress, wanting him to rest down with me. I watched with delight and I started getting hot all over again, gaping at his body being far, teasing me. My ears were invaded, wondering and tensing, feeling everything grow in me. His body is lithe, moving and making me want to count 1,2,3. I held blue eyes, not letting them get lost like his body was. I wanted to reach and hold.

 

"Come closer." I whispered, startling us both, holding pressure. 

 

"Say something else." He giggled, turning his back to me and moving his arms above his head, containing the music and making me smile for the evening. 

 

"Come closer. Let me touch you like the last time." I hated the words coming out of my mouth, I loved his smile and red face. 

 

Luke moved, letting me admire his blonde hair being reflected by the sun entering the big window that anyone could see us. He laid his hands on my shoulders, moving his hips slowly, almost passing unnoticed. He enjoyed my hands in his waist, gripping him, caressing him, letting him close his eyes with a sad smile. "Take them off." He whispered motioning to his shorts that have made my days in a classroom, my fingers shook, kissing his clothed stomach, unbuttoning the black fabric, pulling him closer, his body fitting between my legs. He has the worst intentions and I was getting them too. He keep looking at me, watching every move I made on him, waiting for my reactions and expressions. Then, I saw, pale skin shining like diamonds, that was hiding and silently calling me in, looking soft and wanted, revealing itself at my eyes, showing me beauty and rage. I went tense again, figuring him out, watching white soft material hiding him apart, making me want to see more, accepting and blocking that a boy in front of me was wearing lace material, loving the match and wanting to pursuit.

 

"Touch them. I picked them for you." He stood tall and proud, letting me admire with hands and eyes, enjoying his warm skin under my fingertips, the soft white material on my hands when I touched him in a prohibit way for the second time. I held my hands there, absorbing his small sounds of encouragement. 

 

"Why me, Luke?" I laid down, bringing him with me, his shorts and shoes in the wooden floor. He giggled, making my heart run faster and my hands held tighter his legs on my sides. I'm disoriented with his thoughts and decisions, I wait so long and kissed his neck. 

 

"Your face, the way you wanted to keep me apart, holding me back and telling me no, making me want you because nobody resist me, except for you, just for a short time." 

 

"This is wrong." I hardly pulled away.

 

"Don't think about it at all" 

 

He was desperate, kissing me hard and scratching my chest, wanting me close and my hands on him. I don't remember and I don't give a fuck when our clothes disappeared and I missed the white fabric that was keeping us apart. He whispered, silly things, awful jokes and filthy words, gripping the sheets with his hand as I prized him back, foreign words spilling from my mouth, but I made him smile. The perversion I had, was planted in me by a boy that was on top of me pretending to be a child and not letting his parents know that his legs are in my sides and his hands are touching me like and adult. We went fast, thoughts erased from our minds that was blocked with desire and almost love. We moved on.

 

"I-you. Am I the first person doing this?" 

 

He shook his head slowly, gripping my ears and pulling me closer, kissing me and tasting my lips. I let my mind wonder, trying to put aside the jealousy in my chest, thinking there was one behind Luke's magic, thinking there were hundreds touching and falling for Luke, making him smile and and hold tight. Hurt and disappointed, I think to myself the no respect Luke has on himself, letting boys and grown up men, touch him and taste him, I'm lost without him, he's lost without touches of strangers. "Make me forget thinks, sir." And, fuck, I died and let myself go. I touched him and felt him, wanting to memorized his shape and moles standing bright against pale skin, he laid limp against the mattress, letting me do everything, letting me kiss his hidden parts and letting turn them red with my appreciation. I groaned and keep his parents in the back of my mind, watching the sun going away, letting me see shadows in his relaxed face.

 

He begged for me and my pardon. Begging and whispering with sultry words the way he desired me and wished me, telling secret things he watched me do, telling how he touched himself thinking in my eyes eyeing him up and down. I couldn't stop and fuck no, I wasn't going to stop, every dream I had in my tired nights was standing before me. He begged to be ripped apart, to look like a burned doll without hair and cracks. "I don't want to hurt you, Luke." My voice came in a whisper, not finding my voice, kissing the inside of his thighs to distract myself. "You won't, just put something wet. It won't hurt me, I promise. You're gonna make feel good, sir" 

 

He's a child, he won't have lubrication, only his unexperienced thoughts in a windy night of sadness. My heart pounded, almost feeling it in my throat, I doubted for a second, as he watched me rest between his legs. I watched him being perfect in every way, still holding his stare, my mind got smoke and I licked in him tenderly, watching his entrance fluttered at my soft touch, watching his opened mouth and his head thrown back, gripping my hair and white sheets. I'm standing in heaven right now, showing my middle fingers and being rejected by angels. He was clean where my mouth was placed, so I wish his mind. I couldn't breath, closing my eyes at his hands gripping my hair and pushing me down on him, filling my imagination that I no longer care about. I went slow, and hard, our ears absorbing our skin meeting, my pride grew like his moans, he felt used around me, he felt warm, making me get out of my mind, he gripped tight in every part of my body, wondering and doubting if it was another dream that got me tossing in the night. His voice made it real and I couldn't hold that much, thinking in having an used doll below me.

 

"Go faster and make me good." I obeyed, god, my mind obeyed his pleads and soft words, I forgot I'm an adult and he's a kid, I forgot my boundaries and I fucked hard. My heart accelerated and my body felt numb, his pleasure was first, his sighs and whimpers where my reason to be here and ignore the small, delicate flowers drawn in the wall with a kid's hand, to ignore the purple spots in the white sheets, the make up standing in the drawer where he pulled out the thing that keeps up apart in a filthy way. I recognized his small gestures with his hands and eyebrows, his senseless words that hit my mouth and then I opened my eyes wider and his hand went down, touching his chest, his stomach, and his crotch in a rough way. I gripped the sheets beside his head, not believing my eyes, his actions, moving my lower part fast when his legs gripped my waist; I blinked 3 times, his eyes closed with a small sound of his mouth and I made him see dark and his body trembled, loosing control and not caring where his hands went, his stomach contracted over and over, whispering in my ear to take myself in the place he just went. I did get there, the train left me with a boy to love. 

 

We laid down, catching our lost breaths, holding him and kissing him. His eyes stayed open, watching my movements and gestures, smiling and hugging me, I didn't care about the warm in his room, I didn't care about his small bed and colorful walls, I smiled and hear him say. 

 

"When I saw you, when you replaced that old man that only stared at the girls legs. I looked at you, standing with a scared face and nervous fingers. You called all the girls attention, mine too. I forgot about impressing boys in school, I wanted to impress you. While they whispered how the want to do you, I was already doing you. You are so sweet and careful with me, I don't know what to do, I'm used to be held down, only wanting my body and not my heart. I was empty, but you stared at me with gentle eyes and talked to me with poetic words, listening to me and making me feel good, I know now, that I'm fucked just like you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanting to wash his hands and never come back.

 

 

My body felt new, I felt young, I couldn't stop smiling, I keep repeating him inside my head, like a broken record. My eyes shining and heart jumping everytime I saw him in my classroom looking at me, letting me remember his sounds and movements, letting me remember that I touched the boy that everyone has a filthy desire for. My mind keep racing, turning away with guilt in my chest when I saw Luke's brother hugging him and kissing him on the head, wanting to apoligize because I lost my selfcontrol and made his little brother moved in a small bed with words escaping his mouth that no one could imagine a teenage boy would know the meaning and use. I wrecked and fucked up, I decided and stole, but I couldn't help the satisfaction I felt every time when I saw the boy of everyone's miserable dreams that got in my way and open his legs for me to surrender, to pull out a white flag because, fuck me, I had lost this battle long ago.

 

I forgot our sins and our -mine- regrets when we faced eachother in the grey bathroom and made eachother tremble with adrenaline, my eyes admiring him go softly on his knees, like he was made for it, my hands touching him in the right way that makes me kiss him to cover his sounds that send shivers in my arms; forgetting the old place and the principal just meters away, forgetting about his parents when I touch pale skin, ignoring my fucking degree hanging proudly in my mother's kitchen, telling my friends the boy I'm doing with hot fingers, feeling like a runaway teenager again and not giving a shit about promises and consecuences.

_From: Luke_

To: Calum

Gonna tell my brother that after school I'm going at Michael's house. 

 

 My eyes scanned the words of the boy, not remembering when I gave or got a number, just remembering the late night calls and heavy breathes that my ear hear in desperation in the other line. 

 

_From: Calum_

To: Luke

Go to his house. I'm getting out late. 

 

_From: Luke_

To: Calum

I want to see you.

 

_From: Calum_

To: Luke

 I'm sorry I have to work.

 

_From: Luke_

To: Calum 

Don't you want to see me?.

 

_From: Calum_

To: Luke

Yes.

 

_From: Luke_

To: Calum

Wait for me in the classroom. 

 

-

 

 My hand keep moving without my will, writting words I didn't mean, just waiting for the door to swing open and let me breath out. I closed my eyes when I thought about him, conserving his beauty that builds me up. Everything was gone, we were gone. Nothing could matter anymore, we had done the right and the wrong at the same time, having relief and regrets, counting the days till we see eachother and hold our breath, hoping the day will never end, hoping that our feelings will stay. I ignored the pain and sickness in my stomach when I see him touching and smiling at other boys, like he almost does to me, almost, he has something special towards me, but I have everything towards him, giving him and wishing him everything, filling him with kindness that boys at the classroom can't show. I care and they fuck. I love and they like. I would take pills till my stomach gives up, just to keep him warm and they would leave him alone, shivering in a grey wall because he's unloved.

 I was heavy, with racing thoughts that fool me every time, sometimes writting them in the used papers that gives me headaches and I hardly hear the door opening and closing softly, my hands stopped shaking with relief as I saw him, walking like a cat in the dark, waiting for a little mouse to come around. My eyes catching his tight clothes that receives to many calls, his eyes held mine, making no noise, I could only hear my breath echoing in the walls, he stood in front of my desk, smiling and making me crave his love.

 

"Where you looking for me, professor?" 

 

I wanted to die. 

 

"How are you, Luke?" I asked, watching him rest his arms on my desk, eyeing the papers on my hand.

 

"I hate french and chemestry." He said smiling and I smiled back, wanting him close to my chest and arms, "French teacher is creepy."

 

"Come here." He walked slowly around, fingers scrolling in the black wood of the desk, eyes looking at my face and chest, making me grip the pen and contain myself, watching everything in a blur but his face, blue eyes catching me without defense. I smiled, my morning getting better and the teacher's bitter faces erasing from my mind. 

 

"I saw you today looking at me while you explained a story, I wasn't paying attention too. All I want to do was to kiss you right in front of all of them so they could stop looking at you like they could even have you. I wanted to tell them that I have you almost everyday and if not, I can call you and listen to your voice, praying that my parents don't wake up and catch me touching myself when my teacher is talking softly to me, like a precious thing. Am I a precious thing, sir?"

 

I had no words, it was like he got them out of me so he could talk, I took deep breaths and contain myself, gripping his waist, feeling the barely flesh in there, I just managed to nod, staring in the soft waves of his blue eyes, I wanted to choke myself and not swim. "Yes." He closed his eyes and sat slowly on my lap. "Yes, you are, Luke." 

 

"Show me." 

 

My heart raced and I didn't care if Luke locked the door, we moved fast, looking at the clock everytime. I watched as he stripped slowly, letting my imagination run, I admired as he spread his legs and invited me in, with a smile and heavy breaths. I kissed his mouth, swallowing noises and whispers. My hands touched, enjoying and loving, I wanted to scream at him and yell at him, wanting to provoke him like he did to me, but he was stronger and he wasn't falling. I wanted to move slowly, but his eyes stared up at me with remorse and sadness, closing them back again because he filled my eyes too. Luke hugged me, living in the moment, not like if it was the last time. 

 

"Kiss my neck, I want to feel you, sir." He whispered beside my ear, reminding me that he was around me. His skin is hot and tentative, I marked him red, ignoring his parents and brother. We thought the same, we acted the same. I pulled him tight against me and fucked harder, to make him forget about me and the world, to make him see white and moan little grey whispers. He's the moon and I'm the stars surrounding him, adults notice the moon and kids notice the stars. He turned red and I covered his mouth, watching him close his eyes, noticing him young and pure, wanting to wash his hands and never come back. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mistakes!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!

The room was warm, so warm, my arms shined with sweat, we moved fast, up and down, never closing his eyes, his red cheeks made him look younger, he bite my lip sometimes, getting my attention once again, his body jumped in my lap harshly, trying to catch his breath. 

"I'm getting tired. Put me down, fuck me." 

 

"No." I stood up, gripping his pale legs tight around my waist, starting to move fast again, wanting this to be over, wanting to grab the box of cigarretes resting in the coffee table. 

 

"Shit." He gasped, hugging my neck and trying to kiss my lips. We called eachothers names, we gripped eachothers skin, his moans sounding loud in the room, not caring if anyone could probably hear him. I kissed him, thrusting harder, feeling him freeze and finally close his eyes, he screamed my name, cumming slowly with soft breaths.

 

I didn't stop and I bite his neck, not closing my eyes, moving his body with my arms up and down, not letting his legs fall off me, his eyes stared at me with adoration and his mouth let out soft sighs. "Calum, it hurts." 

 

"I'm almost done." I kissed his lips roughly, ignoring his hand pushing at my chest, I groaned and accepted the addicting feeling punching my body, I fucked my high as I thought about the boy in my arms.

 

"Fuck." I sighed, putting him down, my hands catching the box of cigarretes I was waiting for, I sat, feeling his gaze on me. 

 

The spot beside me moved and I ignored, lighting up a cigarrete. "Why are you like this?" He asked in the silent room. 

 

"Like what?" I turned to look at him, watching him move closer, his legs tangling with themselves, I admired his naked body again and I almost drown. 

 

"Mean, rough." He said. "Like you don't care."

 

"You never care." I blew the smoke to the other direction. "The principal saw you touching my arm today at the cafeteria. He didn't say anything to me but I know he has questions."

 

"So what if I touched you today, it doesn't mean anything." He sighed, searching for my gaze.

 

I chuckled. "Of course it doesn't mean anything." My back rested in the couch. "You're just a stupid kid that doesn't give a shit about anything." 

 

"Don't call me that." Luke yelled, grabbing the cigarrete from my hand and throwing it to the other side of the room. "I'm not a stupid kid when you fuck me in the back of your car."

 

"Stop talking like that, it disgust me, you're too fine to have a mouth like that." I mumbled, starting to light another cigarrete.

 

"You didn't seem to mind." His hand snapped to my face, he took the cigarrete away from my mouth and threw it away again.

 

"Grow that fuck up, Luke." I yelled, standing up and searching for my clothes. "You're getting on my fucking nerves. Get dressed, I'm dropping you to your home."

 

"You're using me." He mumbled, following my movements. 

 

"You have been using me this whole time, you have been manipulating me!" I yelled, turning to face him, wanting to cringe at the way he backed up against the couch, his eyes getting wet. "I'm going crazy, you're fucking me up, I'm wrong, this is wrong, I'm an adult, I shouldn't have let you in." 

 

Luke stared at me with cold eyes, his hands gripped the couched beneath him. "I hate you." He stood up softly, walking in my direction. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." He pushed at my chest, his hands didn't do harm but his words did. "You ruined me." He yelled, tears watering his cheeks "You fucking ruined me." 

 

"You fucking ruined me too!" I screamed and gripped his shoulders, stilling his body, I waited for yells to come out of his pink mouth, to spit come out, but nothing came, I only felt his hands gripped both of my wrist, pushing them off his body. 

 

"Don't fucking touch me ever again, don't look at me ever again, don't think about me ever again." He mumbled silently, facing away from me, bending over and collecting his clothes. I knew his words were empty, I knew that the mouth that let those words go was going to call me at night begging with a soft voice and for the first time, I was going to ignore, to try to forget.

 

"I'm taking you home, hurry up." I said, looking at the side of his face, the guilt was present, the urge to say sorry was there, the need hug and kiss him was there, but that seem false and far away.

 

"I'm going alone." Luke said harshly, not looking at me, getting his shorts up his legs, I looked away. 

 

"No you're not, your house is in the other side. This is the _last_  time." I closed my eyes when I saw him grip the school shirt on his hand. My chest felt heavy and my head felt dizzy. I was praying that this was a dream.

 

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine

My pained chest was slowly dragging me down and there is nothing I could do about it, he was smiling again and I was dying. His laughs filled the hallways and my classroom, pretending not to care when I saw him, playing with other's boys shirts and hands, when I saw him rest in their laps, having no respect on himself, the one I always begged for him to have.

 

My hand miss the soft skin and small body that weeks ago seem unrealistic to me, but now I know what is true beauty.I miss blue eyes begging and loving, looking at me and only me, the voice that could put myself to sleep was now cold towards me, seeming unnoticed by other people.

 

His eyes felt strange when they stared at mine, I still look at the messages and lost calls he did when I decided to stop our wrong relationship, I feel remorse, imagining him sitting on his bed, waiting for me to call him and hold him in my arms again, he was used to me giving up everything for him and soon it was gone, all the carissma, adoration and love, I still have them inside, but I didn't showed them outside for the last painful days of us toguether.

 

I still keep the filfthy notes he left at my desk when I was eating or talking to others teachers, his messy handwritting reminding me what we did that morning in my car or what he felt when I fucked him for one hour straight and then went down on him for half an hour, reminding me our wrong actions, but shit, I lived for those notes hidden in my drawer, his glossed up lips painted in the corner. 

 

I miss,  _oh,_ I miss.

 

The shame I feel when he begged me to record him dancing to soft music and touching himself in a way that he doesn't seem be a teenager, _I still keep that._ He opened my eyes, my world, my heart and my lungs. 

 

My heart softens when I see his dreamy ocean eyes looking out in the window, not paying attention to my class, swinging his legs softly and carresing the empty pages the they would never be filled. My body hardens when I see him leave with older boys from the school ground, watching him close his eyes and let himself be pushed against a car door as the other person kiss his sorrow away, I feel pain, but I drive and drive and play his voice in my head.

 

He knows I watch, he knows I stare, he knows I feel, he knows I fight with myself. I know he observes me when I read by myself in the cafeteria, I know he close his eyes when I pass by his desk and check his work, I know he tries to forget by going in the school bathroom, getting on his knees to strangers. But, I ignore, I ignore that he is a mess, I ignore that I'm a mess, that we were better with eachother, that he made me calm and I made him think, I just ignore the good and remember the bad.

We were fighting to recover, but, deep, inside and far away in my mind knew that it wasn't happening soon. 

 

-

 

I dismiss my last class, smiling and wishing them a great weekend, thanking his wishes back, my eyes begging to be close and my mind begging to be asleep, I collected my things and walk out of the room, watching the almost empty hallway, waving at some teachers. I made my way to the bathroom, my muscles itching with al the work from the week, wanting to rest in my couch. 

 

I pushed the door open, waiting for the lights to be turned off by the cleaning lady, but I found them on. I walked in, straight to the toilets, regretting for drinking cups of coffee nonstop, but the corener of my tired eyes caught a body standing by the sink, I turned my head to say 'good afternoon' and be polite, but when my eyes asimilated and my brain snapped, I just stared and my tongue went dry so as my mind, the pain increase as memories flew back. 

 

 _Ocean eyes, light brown freckles, golden hair and thin lips,_ was what my brain could only think about, I cursed at someone above me for putting me in this situation that seems familiar, I wished for the angels that this wasn't happening,  ~~I thanked that this was happening.~~

 

 

"Hello." I coughed and tried to reset my brain, "How are you?" 

 

He looked down, "Hi, Cal." 

 

I breath through my nose and waited for more words to come out of his anormal pink lips. I nodded at his low head and looked away, not knowing what to do. I didn't want to piss anymore and I just want to leave this place and tell myself that I'll be alright, "Goodbye, Luke. Have a nice weekend," I was about to turn around to walk out, but the voice I was missing this miserable days, swam in the air like soft waves.

 

"I miss you." Luke spoke softly, gripping his own hands and leaning on the wall, his voice seeming unfamiliar. I nodded racking my eyes in his face and body, not wanting to forget.

 

"I do too." I stayed still wanting to leave the grey bathroom and not look back, but pale skin and blue eyes was keeping me from doing it, I craved, I wanted to beg. I want him to grow up so we can't be wrong, but at the same time I want him to stay small and young, making old eyes like mine get stuck.

"Am I ugly to you now?" He suddenly said, voice unexpectadly loud.

 

"Nonsense." I shooked my head. "You know it's not true." I dare to look up again in blue eyes, seeming soft and warm compared to the last days of turture.

 

"I don't." He gave a few steps towards me. "Explain me."

 

I shook my head again. "I have to explain nothing, Luke. I suggest you get in your class." My body moved to the sink, washing my hands without reason, wanting time to go faster.

 

"Stop suggesting and say something real to me." He looked at me through the mirror, his soft eyes didn't match his loud voice.

 

"I have a class to attend, see you tomorrow, Luke." I lied and lowered my voice and face, clenching my fist and containing myself from running towards him.

 

"Please." I stop my feet, feeling the familiar touch gripping my arm. "I really miss you. No one is you."

 

"Luke, don't do thi-."

 

My words were interrupted by the unexpected but wanted deep in my heart, his scandalous lips that I was starting to forget, touched mine, leaving me still, closing my eyes, thinking wrong, thinking right, thinking happy, thinking sad, I had him in front of me, begging for my touch, my wish, my dream.

 

"Look at me as your love not as a child." The blonde whispered against me. "Don't make me feel like I'm the wrong moment of your life or the mistake."

 

I gave up, not opening my eyes and holding him close for the first time in weeks, remembering his small frame.

 

"I can't." My whispered joined the silence.

"I'm not." He gave me a small kiss. "I'm not the mistake, because you don't hate me."

 

I opened my eyes, hugging him harder. "I can't."

 

"I love you." It sound so calm, so paceful, unreal to my ears, my stomach twisted in wonder, not remembering the promise of staying away, the promise of forgetting and moving on, my hands wanted to search and enjoy the missing.

 

"You don't know what you're saying."

 

"Tell me that back." He closed his blue eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"Tell me the same." Luke gripped my shirt, leaving wet spots, "I know you mean it."

 

"Do you?" I asked, voice lost. He kissed me with force, hugging my middle and burring his face in my chest, hearing my fast heart beat. "I love you. I fucking can't stop loving you."

My eyes looked down, waiting for a laugh or scoff, waiting for this to be revenge and not something more, I was expecting to see the warm expression erased from soft features, but I almost drown at the real sight in front of me, my hand caught a tear and a smile, my eyes loved and my hands sin, but it felt okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chap, guys! Thanks for the little ones who had the time to comment amazing things and support me:) This chapter is for you❤.
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes, i was in a hurry.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos? Comments? Xx


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